Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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