I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
