You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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