Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
