Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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