Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
