You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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