I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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