oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
