i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
