I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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