So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
