he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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