**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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