ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm going to jail i love you
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
