I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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