thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
