I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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