My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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