Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
