gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
