I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
