nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It's like God shit irony all over that family
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
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