I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
