please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
home. puking in laundry basket.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We are two peas in an std pod
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
