did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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