I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
