im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
