i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
