I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
