what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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