sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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