WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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