I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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