very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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