Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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