he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
