I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
