they need to just BURY HIM!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
