This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
