I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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