Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
