he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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