Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
