I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
