I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
