Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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