Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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