After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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