HIV tests are more positive than that guy
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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